Can You Really Change Your Personality as an Adult?
It depends on how agreeable you are to begin with, according to a new book.
Illustration: Julia Schimautz for Bloomberg
When I was in middle school, I was so quiet that I secretly looked forward to exams: At least no one would expect me to talk. I dreaded recess and found relief in ballet class, where silence was the rule. Two decades later, the necessity of spending hours alone is my least favorite thing about being a writer. But I have occasionally wondered: Is my 12-year-old persona the “real” one? Am I somehow faking my enjoyment of parties? I found some consolation in Olga Khazan’s new book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change (Simon & Schuster, March 11), which argues that our personalities evolve over the course of our lives — whether through concerted effort or just through growing up.
When we meet Khazan, she is 36 years old and lucky in both love and work: She has a patient, doting boyfriend and a creatively fulfilling job. Yet she struggles to enjoy her bounty, and crumbles in the face of minor setbacks. When an unflattering haircut and a bout of rush hour traffic leave her weeping into a glass of wine, decrying her life as “nonstop stress and torture,” she resolves to tackle her self-defeating tendencies.